I don’t like to judge other women. I’ve been on the other side of that and, no matter how confident you are, it’s no fun.
As a child, I always loved to dress up. I swear there’s sparkle running through my veins. And other girls occasionally poked fun — they were just jealous, right? I dealt with the naysayers by befriending the other girly girls in my ‘hood. By the time High School rolled around, many of the tomboys had started to see things my way… it was all good.
When I was 23 I had surgery on my breasts—augmentation and mastopexy to be technical. The surgery corrected a “birth defect” I’d been plagued with since puberty; one of my breasts never grew and the other one was missing a muscle. So while I relished finally being able to remove the shoulder pads I’d been stuffing in my bra for years and being able to wear a bathing suit for the first time since I turned 13, I found myself being judged once more. Apparently my thin frame and large breasts were a dead giveaway that I was less than au naturel. And other women occasionally poked fun — they were just jealous, right?
I had my first son at 27 and I refused to wear “Mom” jeans or carry diaper bags with cartoon characters. I walked with my son from our downtown Chicago condo to Grant Park every day… in 4 inch heels. Becoming a mom is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, doing it with style was the only way I could. Occasionally, I found myself being judged by other Moms — they were just jealous, right? Not to worry, eventually, those Moms wanted to know where I got my shoes or which salon I trusted my color to so they started to see things my way… it was all good.
Truth is, sometimes I fall into the judgment trap myself. Maybe I think Heidi Montag went a bit too far, or that Britney Spears should put her child in a car seat and Pamela Anderson’s breasts are just ridiculous. But maybe I’m just jealous, right?
After all, if you have the confidence to do what makes you feel good and look good, critics be damned, that’s a trait worth envying.
So the next time I see you at a party, a networking event or on the mean city streets, instead of whispering to one of my girlfriends about how gorgeous your boots are, how unfairly long your legs are or how much I love your lashes, don’t be surprised if I walk right up and tell you just how jealous I am. Because in my opinion, you look fabulous.
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I cannot pretend that I haven’t judged other women in the past so in fact, I have perpetuated the cycle somewhat. Shame on me! Your blog just reminds me that women need to stick together and high 5 each other more often.
I loved the last paragraph! And, yes, we women should all be more supportive of each other, no matter what the issue is—heels, mom jeans (I totally have been judging the 80s styles coming back!!), eyelashes, careers, whatEVER. Thanks for posting this!
Its true! We all have things we want to change about ourselves. I was so flat chested that I wore a AA, which really isn’t a bra size. They called my a “pirates dream” in school because I had a “sunken chest”. Every year on my birthday when I blew out the candles I wished for bigger boobs. When I was 22 I got a breast augmentation. It was the best thing I ever did. Sure it might be a little superficial, but it sure made me feel good about myself. I think women should be able to have permission to do that, if they do not go crazy with plastic surgery.
And that’s what I’m talking about. Women should be lifting one another up. No one truly knows what another person has gone through. Life is less stressful just being nicer as well.
This is a great post, I stumbled across your article while looking for music events. Thanks for sharing, I’ll be sure to return regularly.
Hey glamglobe,
If it makes you feel *any* better, for all those times you were jealous of us gals w/bigger boobs, some of us were jealous of you!! I’d have been happy to give to some of what I have up-top!! I started developing in 4th grade, and was a C-cup by 5th grade…so awesome, when that’s about the age everyone else is just getting their 1st bra. I’m a DD/DDD now, depending upon how the bra is made & very much want to have a reduction-which insurance will cover, since I have neck & back pain-I just have to somehow magically find the time for recovery. I almost did it last year when my doctor found A LUMP (scariest.words.ever.) and my boob was too big to be able to tell if it was something to be worried about, so she rushed be over for mammogram & ultrasound-turned out to be fibrocysytic mass, but I wanted to lop ‘em both off right then & there!
And this site makes me wish I still lived in the Chicago area-maybe you could teach me how to wear 4-inch heels without breaking an ankle!
[...] just goes to show that we shouldn’t judge anyone by what we see on the outside, by what we think about what they are showing us. And we really [...]
…you go, girl…! Now, that is a great post! Let’s all hope it doesn’t fall on deaf ears…
Growing up in East Germany I am a tomboy by birth; however, not the judging one.
When it comes to looks (and also in general), I firmly believe in the saying “You can’t please everybody.”. There will always be somebody who doesn’t like you or who judges you. So, what…!?? Just make sure you like yourself, and you feel like yourself – in whatever you wear, and with whatever you do. Being authentic is the key.
Oh, and being nice doesn’t hurt either…
I think thats how the world should be! We should lift each other up not be the first to tear each other down. When I’m paid a compliment and I replay it in my head over and over because it really made me feel good. I love doing that to someone else you never know how it could change woman’s day…