It always amazes me (and I guess by now it really shouldn’t, but it still does) that some of the most beautiful women that I know don’t recognize their own beauty.  Maybe they don’t want to be seen as self-involved, or full of themselves, or perhaps they just honestly don’t feel confident in themselves.  I don’t know.

I’ve known my friend Trisha for 4 years, and have often told her how gorgeous her eyes are (they are huge, luminous, brown pools), how great her hair is, how good she looks in her clothes, how her kindness shines through—-and yet, each of these compliments tends to fall on deaf ears.  She just can’t hear it.  I don’t know why.  Modesty, maybe?  I wish she could see how beautiful she really is, inside as well as out.

This week, we talked about how she defines beauty, and what she’d need on a desert island to survive (yum!!).  Her answers are insightful and funny, just like she is.  Enjoy!

How do you define beauty?

I define beauty in many different ways.  First is the obvious beauty as a physical characteristic.  That type of beauty can be enhanced or helped (or I might even say falsified?)—I think of Hollywood starlets.  But there are true beauties out there who are lucky to be born with symmetrical features.  If you were to ask me to name somebody who LOOKS beautiful, I consider the classic and glamorous like Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe, Jackie Kennedy, and current icons who tend to mimic that look, like Katherine Heigl and Anne Hathaway. Grace, kindness and poise are so important to add to the physical beauty.  I believe if someone looks beautiful but lacks the former, it truly alters their physical appearance.

Cubs fan!!

I notice beauty in someone when they have something about them  (an aura?, a kindness?, an inner light?) that transcends outwards and I can visibly see it having an affect on other people.  Short answer is watching someone make someone else happy.  There is a great man I know who always has a comment or joke to whisper to someone and when he does this, his whole face lights up brightly. It’s just a small moment in time, but then the person he was speaking with lights up as well and I think it is just beautiful to watch this cause and effect in the spirit.

Related to this is when someone has a sense of pride so overwhelming about someone for whom they care.  Several examples of family relationships come to mind – a parent crying at a graduation, an adult child cheering on the even more adult parent in a marathon, a parent helping a young child understand how to play a sport and the pride they both feel when a new skill is mastered.

Another place I define beauty tends to be in those quiet moments, usually very early in the morning, or just as dusk is settling in.  It happens when I step outside and am completely aware of the sounds and sights around me.  It can happen in any season and is really just appreciating the earth and the nature around me.

Lastly, it’s just appreciating moments in time.  I’ve heard something about how audiences are so unique and special because even if a performer is putting on 50 shows on a tour, no two shows will be alike because of the energy each audience puts together.  As a huge sports fan, I definitely recognize that and find myself often getting emotional watching games, whether in person or on television.

How does that definition show up in your everyday life?

It shows up in many ways. As far as the physical beauty, I suffer, like many women, from that feeling that I’m just not good enough and never will be.  I hate seeing my reflection and almost always have a feeling of disappointment when I accidentally catch it in a mirror or window.

I care a lot about having meaningful, good relationships, and make that a priority in my life.  Then I get to watch people make other people happy.

I guess the rest of it just comes and goes and it’s a matter of how self-involved I’m being, or if I’m taking the time to recognize what surrounds me.

What are five products you cannot live without (desert island picks)?

This is VERY tough.  I don’t really have any type of beauty regimen.  I mean, I wash my face every night, but not really

Sawyer! Yum...

brand loyal.  I don’t consider myself to have a beauty routine.  I just do my make up very simply and quite frankly, usually in a pretty boring manner.  But if I had to choose:

1. A radio so I can listen to Cubs games.  (emotional beauty of an audience/pride)
2. Sawyer from LOST.  I think he counts because he is beautiful (MMMMMM yummy!), ergo a beauty product. Plus, he learned a lot of good tracking sills on the island, so I’m sure that would come in handy. (note: not Josh Holloway, the actor, but Sawyer.  Another note I hope the audience catches my humor here and doesn’t view me as completely shallow!)
3. Soap (compulsive about germs and cleanliness)***
4. Razor (everyday!)
5. Toothpaste

*** hopefully the island has some aloe or something else I can use to moisturize.  With all the hand washing I do, I have incredibly dry skin.  And with gross dry skin, having Sawyer on the island would probably be a moot point!  (ed. note:  HA!!)

Of those five, which is the number one thing you can’t live without?

Cubs games

Who would you consider your style mentor, and why?

I don’t really have one.  I rely on good friends’ advice.  I think I have a pretty classic sense of style.  I never really considered that until recently when a friend and I cleaned out my closet, donating over 60 items, and I realized most of them weren’t really that dated looking and I’ve had for many, many years.

It feels like you’re enjoying more playing with fashion since you cleaned out your closet.  You’ve bought a lot of basics but you’ve also started to add pieces that have more detail, more fun.  ARE you having more fun with it, and if so, why?  If not, why not?

No, I REALLY think I’m the same– I think I would have bought those things before…  I think just removing all the junk is letting me allow myself to “fill up the space???”

You just lost some weight in a very healthy way.  How has that process changed your opinion of your own beauty (or has it?)?

I really don’t think I feel any differently.

What did you learn from your parents about how to view the world that has affected your views on what is beautiful?

The closest things I can think of are camping trips with my family and my parents pointing out trees, waterfalls, etc., and saying “Look at that.  Just beautiful.”

Gorgeous!

Also, my dad was huge on instilling in me to treat people the same no matter what their background.  He was a principal and always made a point of telling me some of the most interesting conversations he had were with the custodians, whom a lot of people ignore.

I also remember that one time, he called me into his office (at school) when I was in grade school to ask me about a friend’s birthday party I was going to. Apparently, the family was very poor. I didn’t know about the family, but he explained to me that I was going to a house that might not be as nice as most of my friends.  He said the food might not be what I’m used to and there might be smells that seemed different than I was used to, but I should be polite and eat and have fun, and that they are very nice people. One year, still in grade school, that girl came to MY birthday party.  She gave me a little angel figurine holding a banner that says “May.”  I still have that figurine (which is kind of cheesy) because it reminds me of the great lessons my dad has passed on to me.

You didn’t start wearing make-up until college.  What made you want to start experimenting with it?

I’d always felt ugly and horrible, and didn’t really think make-up would help. I thought it would be even worse if I tried make up to look prettier, and still was ugly.  I guess I finally just decided to give it a shot.

When in your life do you/did you feel the most beautiful? And why?

I can’t think of a time when I’ve felt beautiful. I work hard to appreciate the beauty around me.

Thanks for talking with me about this, Trisha!  I appreciate you, and your beauty, and especially your sense of humor!